My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
the night ended with taco bell and tears
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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