im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
