no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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