I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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