I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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