it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
