his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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