hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
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At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.