I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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