i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize