Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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