I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
