Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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