yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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