Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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