Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
