my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
you inspire me to be a worse person
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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