i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
