you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
