I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
