I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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