I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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