I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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