Your face is a jimmy john
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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