fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
