the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I just found a bag of teeth...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
And then my night got REAL pukey
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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