If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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