you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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