she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
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It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
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I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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