DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
