you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
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The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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