We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm getting married
To pizza
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
