And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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