She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
