What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
