you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
My legs feel like baby dolphins
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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