Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
