One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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