Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
How's work?
Spinning.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
