apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
