is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
