Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
