I want to stick my p in your. b.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
