So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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