what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
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his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
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And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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