you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
