ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
