I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
