don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Randomize
