hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
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