you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
