i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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