I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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