I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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