this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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