Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
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Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
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I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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