Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Dignity is for republicans.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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