He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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