I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
