mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
is wine microwaveable?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
