Quick, to the slutcave!
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You have to summon your inner elephant
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
