just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
