??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize