There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.