The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony