Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
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I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.