So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary