I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
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My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
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I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.