i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
