Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
