Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
