just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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