Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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