Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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