...so i touched it.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
