I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Text me some of your sweat
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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