dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
