I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
