Having a random hookup so left but love u
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Randomize
