Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
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