Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
