Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
