she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
